Umberto Eco. How to Take Intelligent Vacations.

I fucking hate those fucking pseudo fucking intellectual fuckfaces, fucking fucking fucks.

  It has become a familiar custom, as summer vacation time approaches, for the political and literary weaklies to recommend at least ten "intelligent" books that will enable their readers to spend their "intelligent" vacations intelligently. But thanks to a persistent and unpleasant habit of considering the reader underprivileged and ill-read [It is because , in their minds, it is impossible that someone is more intelligent than them], some quite celebrated writers take great pains to suggest reading matter that any person of average culture should have read in high school, if not before. It seems to us, if not offensive, at least condescending to insult the reader by advising him to look into, say, the original German edition of the Elective Affinities, the Pléiade Proust, or Petrarch's Latin works. We must bear in mind that, ["]bombarded["] by so much advice over such a long time, the reader has become more and more demanding; and we must bear in mind those who, unable to afford luxury vacations, are game to venture into experiences as uncomfortable as they are thrilling.

  For vacationers who will be spending long hours on the beach I would recommend Ars magna lucis et umbrae of Athanasius Kircher, fascinating for anyone who, lying under the infrared solar rays, wants to reflect on the wonders of light and mirrors. The Roman edition of 1645 can still be acquired through antiquarians for sums undoubtedly inferior to those that our former political leaders exported into Switzerland. I do not advise trying to borrow this book from a library, because it is found only in ancient palaces where the attendants are so elderly that they tend to fall of the ladders leading to the rare-book shelves. Additional drawbacks are the size of the book and the friability of the paper: not to be read on days when the wind is blowing over beach umbrellas.

  A young person, on the other hand, one who is journeying around the continent on a Eurailpass, and who must therefore read in those overcrowded passages where you have to stand with one arm out of the window, could take with him at least three of the six Einaudi volumes of Ramusio's travels, to be read holding one volume in hand, another under an arm, the third clutched between the thighs. Reading about journeys while on a journey is an intensely stimulating experience.

  For young people who are recovering from (or disappointed by) political activity, but are still anxious to keep an eye on the problems of the Third World, I would suggest some little masterpiece of Muslim wisdom. Adelphi has recently published The Book of Advice by Kay Ka'us ibn Iskandar but unfortunately without the original Iranian; the translation does not convey the flavor of the text. I would suggest instead the delightful (Kitab) al-Sa'adah wa-al-is'ad by Abu-al-Hasan al-Amiri, available in Teheran in the critical edition of 1957.

  But not every reader is fluent in Middle Eastern languages, of course. For the patristically-oriented motorist, less burdened by constrains on bulk or weight of luggage, the complete collection of Migne's Patrologia is always an excellent choice. I would advise against the Greek Fathers before the Council of Florence of 1440, which would require packing both the 160 volumes of the Greco-Latin edition and the 81 of the Latin edition whereas the Latin Fathers prior to 1216 are squeezed into 218 volumes. I am well aware that not all of these are readily available on the market but the reader can always fall back on photocopies. For those with less specialised interests, I would suggest selected works (in the original, naturally) from the cabalistic tradition (essential today for anyone who wants to understand contemporary poetry). A few volumes are enough: a copy of the Sefer Yezirah, the Zohar, of course, and then Moses Cordovero and Isaac Luria. The cabalistic corpus is particularly suited to holidays because original editions of the oldest works can still be found in scroll editions, easily stowed in hitchhikers's backpacks. The cabalistic corpus is also perfectly suited to the Clubs Méditerranés, where the animators can organise a Cabala Competition, the prize to be awarded the team constructing the most attractive golem. Finally, for those whose Hebrew is rusty, there is always the Corpus Hermeticum and the gnostic writings (Valentinus is best; Basil is not infrequently prolix and irritating).

  All this (and much more) will make for an intelligent vacation. Or, if you want to make things simple, just take with you the Grundrisse, the apocryphal Gospels, and micro fiches of the unpublished works of Peirce. Or, if you resist intellectual stimulation, stick with Agatha.

1981